Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Find the ball. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Just tap it in. Peter Jacobson, 33. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. And there are windmills. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. One minute youre bleeding. 8. Lift your head and spread your legs. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Required fields are marked *. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? clubs. How do you know you should be a golfer? One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Sir W.G. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Eight. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. A great shot is when you pull it off. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? And that thought is: Dont think. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Or under. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. 3. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Putter Around. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Two rounds a day are plenty. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. I like to go low. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Golf is very much like a love affair. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? What is a golfers favorite bird? Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Golf is a lot like life. All of them. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Learn More. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? A hole in one of a kind model. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Always keep learning. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Whos there? Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Get in the hole! Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Any birdie will do. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. 1. They expect to succeed! Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. 5. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. I give him the driver. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Besides that, I love to explore. 3 of 10. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. A dinner without wine. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. And it matters how we go about attaining them. Fore! Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. 2. 3. So what are you waiting for? Damn, my shaft's all bent. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Your fifth putt. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. In the Golf of Mexico! "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Golf Quotes About Life 22. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Your email address will not be published. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. I`m really worried about myself. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. They like cricket better. Basketball is a sport for black men. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. It bends a little to the left. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Bye Bye Birdie. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. When your golf cart capsizes. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. 1. Nothing it should have ducked. Photo: Shutterstock. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Why do golfers hate cake? 4. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Boo. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; 5. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. I've got some good news. I stepped on a rake. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. All the fans are gone! My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. We have a threesome, care to join us? "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember 6. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. The other 20. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. And it's damn funny. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? 2. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. All through the night they made wild love together. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Golf is the easiest game in the world. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Dean Martin, He loved the game. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Your email address will not be published. Knock, knock No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Its almost a law. It can be rewarding. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. In case he gets a hole in one. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Wodehouse Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. How the heck did that happen? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Its to move on. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Nothing. 19. So, what are your thoughts? Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Tahiti who? Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. At the golf corpse! if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Tahiti. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. 21. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Clubbing. Where is the best place to go on vacation? The means are as important as the ends. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. They dont have the heart for it. Andy who? 7. Do you share these funny golf jokes? Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Knock, knock 5. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. We share them in our weekly newsletter. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. 4. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? I stepped on a rake.". You okay with that? I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Boo who? Everyday I'm Schauffele. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. "Hockey is a sport for white men. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Just in case they get a slice! It was glorious when you did! Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Man: Please dont go. They have been there where we are standing now. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Clubbing. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Your email address will not be published. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. I chipped in from the rough! There are no absolutes in golf. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. It will test your patience. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? I play Bass. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Hi there! 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download.
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